Steve Wondercop and the Phantasm of Terror

Steve Wondercop and the Phantasm of Terror

 

It was just your average day for Steve Wondercop. He was in the middle of immensely satisfying sex with an attractive young blonde when the phone rang. He pushed the blonde away and answered it in a suave, badass tone. “Yes who is it” he said in his suave badass tone. “Chief Policeman Thing Gordon O’Connor,” said the CPT Gordon in a voice that wasn’t suave and badass but was actually Irish. “Okay what’s happened” asked Steve as the blonde gave him a massage. “Some sicko murderer’s gone and murdered a guy” said the Irish Gordon. Steve nodded. It was time to do his Stuff.

When he got to the scene of his crime he met up with his sassy brunette sidekick Sugar Bangs and his less sassy brunette sidekick Will Plumber. He nodded to them, conveying a thousand words with a single nod of his head (which he directed to them). “Hey Steve oh god why can’t I be more like you” said Will. Things between Steve and Sugar were more awkward however as they had slept together a week ago. They avoided eye contact.

  When they got inside Will had to go vomit since there was a terrible crime scene. Fortunately Steve was jaded to this sort of thing and his manly strength could withhold it. There was the Chief Policeman there too.

  “Hey guys” he said in an Irish accent. “Looks like there’s been a murder. This guy over here had his head knocked off by a golf club. I think it was the notorious Scottish gangster Scotty “Scottish” Spooner.”

   “You’re wrong there Chief” said Steve. “Oh okay then” said the Chief. He was not actually very good since he spent most of his time trying to find pots of gold at the end of rainbows. But he was better than his evil and lazy second-in-command (first mate of the police pirate ship if you will) Wilbur Wormface. WW as he was known or sometimes WW1 as a joke was bald and fat and he hated Steve.

   “No you’re wrong Steve!” said WW1 (lol) as his belly bounced up and down and he used armpit grease to make his bald head shinier. “No you are wrong WW1,” said Steve. “You see, there is a ‘P’ over there.” “What do vegetables have to do with this” said WW1 stupidly. Steve glared at him. “I meant like the letter you idiot.” WW1 was shamed into silence (and eating chocolate coated dim sims).

    “You see,” said Steve dramatically, “this was the work of the Phantasm of Terror.” There was a Shocked Silence. “But I thought he died!” said WW1. “Well you thought wrong” said Steve. Then he added wittily: “And your mum is fat”

  Everyone laughed. WW1 ran away sobbing.

  “Now” said Steve, “we must kill the Phantasm of Terror. You see, I have a Plan.”